I did a lot of thinking these last couple of days. A lot of reminiscing. And getting regretful of the what could’ve beens. 2010 will end in a few days. And as I look back, I know I didn’t do anything much but grow up. I want to undo a lot of things. Seriously.

At some point this year I’ve been depressed and, yeah,a danger to myself. I did… things. Dark and twisted things I know God found hard to forgive. But, apparently a paradox, those things served me well.

At some point this year, I’ve been the juvenile delinquent that was the cynosure of rumors and issues. I found a friend, and to pay for it I had to lose a couple of friends as well. Yes, I did consider them as friends. And losing them is what I am most regretful of this year. You can’t really fix a broken mirror, can you? I’m taking all the blame now. Because right now, I’m strong enough to accept anything people would want to throw at me. I told you, I grew up. People may not see it. But I do. I was wrong and I was right. And this is the most paradoxical of all.

At some point this year, I met a lot of ahhhmazing people. I know God has a plan why he stringed our fates together. For them, I will always be a family and a stranger. But I am stoked that I’ll be going through a lot of things with them. To four years and beyond!

At some point this year, I stumbled upon a funny thing called love. It’s making my world crazy and orderly. As nonsensical as it sounds, love is disintegrating all the atoms of my body and keeping it together. Aside from the paradoxes,  I am afraid I cannot tell you much about it, though. My not so sly cousin is preying on my wall. And for all I know my dad is doing the same thing too! Nah, this thing is supposed to be a mystery. And I’m enjoying hiding stuffs too much I can’t possibly spill anything. LOL

I want to say thank you to the friends who stayed with me til the end of the year. And even those who didn’t. I will, and God knows how much I mean this, cherish those few moments that I became one of your friends.

And as cheezy as it sounds, I love Chaka. The good things and bad things. The best times and worst times. I love them all. :)

oh here goes the “I wish”-es.

I wish I wasn’t so immature and indecisive. I wish I wasn’t so awkward to be with. I wish I wasn’t weird. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive and fragile. I wish I wasn’t bossy and a loathsome attention seeker. I just wish I wasn’t obnoxiously obnoxious.

I know, okay? I know! hahaha

Have a feisty and fierce 2011 everyone. :)